Oh, Peter Clemenza. How could Tom have ever thought that you would betray the family? You’ve always been loyal to the family; always looking out for Mikey. I believed in you the whole time. (Have I not made a post about the Godfather yet? Who even am I? I’m going to get on that ASAP)
Let me begin by saying that I am very hungry as I am writing this. You know how they say you shouldn’t grocery shop while hungry? While you probably shouldn’t write about food while you are hungry either. It’s agonizing, especially when you’re broke and all you want is delicious, painfully expensive baked goods (and also you ran out of almonds yesterday, exhausting your food supply in your dorm room) But I forge ahead. Perseverance is the key to success. I’ll let DJ Khaled’s snap stories fill you in on the other keys to success.
I have condensed the list to just 3 items for the sake of time and attention spans. For the complete list please contact my assistant.
Here we go:
Croissants: Is it rainy? Are you reading a book and feel that there is just something missing? A little melancholy? Someone say something mean to you? Go get yourself a nice big, flaky, buttery croissant. It will be the most delicious hug you have ever received. Croissant’s are patient, croissants are kind, they do not judge. We don’t always need to talk it out with our friends, sometimes all we need is a calorie infested piece of heaven. I’m not talking about a croissant from the bodega down the block or a gas station (would you rather get with a semi-pro or a professional?). I’m talking about a croissant from a real bakery or coffee shop. I’m talking croissant that will leave hundreds of crumbs in your lap (but you’ll be okay with it because it was totally worth it). These are the professionals. Note: If you can’t get your hands on the professionals and you are desperately in need, the semi-pros will get the job done.
French Macaron: Three words – Treat Yo Self*. These little bites of joy will cost you, but if you’re like me you will justify the purchase and hold off on buying the things you actually need (like contact solution. whoops) because they are truly God’s gift to earth. These are how you reward yourself (unless you’re really financially blessed or just really bad at allocating your money responsibly), because guess what. Sometimes you deserve that shit. It’s been a hard week of work; you’ve been studying for finals for the past 86 hours; people have been getting on your nerves lately but you’ve kept your mouth shut and your head down; (for the ladies) you’ve been hit with an especially shitty bout of PMS. Go get yourself some of these pretty little cookies and don’t share them with anyone. Now excuse me while I go spend an absurd amount of money on cookies.
*I truly believe that episode of Parks and Rec changed a generation
And finally, the pastry from where this post gets its name,
Cannoli: Cannoli do not need big fan fare. They are humble. They are for small celebrations, family dinners, a nice surprise because you were thinking of someone you love, and for just good days in general. They’re the under appreciated crew members while the a-holes like French macarons are getting all of the attention. But they don’t mind. they know that they sweeten someones day, makes it a little better, and that is enough for them. Get them dipped in chocolate, with berries stuck on the ends, mini cannoli, giant cannoli, anything your heart desires. The frustrations of the day will be all but forgotten, your outlook on life made more positive, and your soul put at ease. But do not take cannoli for granted. While it may seem like a simple, easy going dessert, it is still a dessert that should be treated with respect. Don’t cross it, or it will have the entire mob on your ass (Clemenza especially, and he’s the one they call when someone needs to be taken care of. It’s got cousins).
So there you go. Sorry if this made you hungry. I’m in the same boat as you.
Love and hugs